Frustrations

The reason I have been silent the last few weeks is two fold. 1. I've been very busy. 2. I've been very frustrated.

So what have I been busy with? And why has it been so frustrating?

Well, for starters, I'm unemployed. It happened suddenly and required me to make a few trips downtown to pay some fines. Apparently my internship wasn't quite as legit as the company and I thought. A week or so of uncertain anxiety and a few hundred dollars later I cleared my name in the government's eyes and cleared my schedule of anything work related.

Next has been an exciting opportunity to bring ultimate frisbee to this city. We've been trying to get a game going on Wednesday afternoons for months to varying degrees of success. Our frisbee friends in Istanbul landing an Innovator's Grant from the Ultimate Player's Association and want to use part of the funds to develop ultimate here. That means someone here (me) has to help set up all the logistics. We'll look past the fact that I'm the only foreigner really devoted to trying to build this and past the fact that I'm totally unorganized and not gifted in any administrative area. The fact is, it took me two weeks of almost daily trips to the university campus to find out who I'm supposed to talk to in order to reserve a field to use, figure out what kind of documents we need to request permission, request permission, and then get denied permission. As one very honest Turk told me yesterday, "No one likes to make decisions because no one likes to be the one responsible for anything. If you don't know someone, you can't get anything done." Don't I know it.

Third on the list has been Easter program prep at church. I volunteered to sing in the choir again (since I knew there'd only be five or six of us) and was volunteered to be in the theatre part of the production, though my last venture onto stage didn't work out so well. There's something about foreign vowel sounds, awkward homemade sandals, and suit pants that just don't go together. It really is a joy to be a member of this fellowship and to be able to serve, but that doesn't mean that it's not time consuming and frustrating at times.

Also, not something that I have to do, but something that I'd like to do, is learning photography. The Canadian is a pretty good photographer and has a classic 1983 Olympus camera that he has allowed me to learn with. It's manual everything and a lot of fun. I put friends and strangers alike in awkward situations as I snapped away for about two weeks, using up my first ever all-manual roll of film. Then, when I got it developed, I learned that the film hadn't been loaded properly (by the guy at the film store) and that I had not, in actuality, taken a single photo.

Funny, yet frustrating, story from today... After our regular Sat. morning basketball game (which I played very poorly in), we went to our regular cafe for our regular drinks and regular conversation. We were carrying on about the morning's game, the upcoming NCAA tourney, life and love and happiness and then the Holy Ghost. When, from the corner of my eye, I notice a lady from the other table very openly staring me down. She's an older lady with at least 6 gold teeth (that's all I could count). I make eye contact, give her a head nod, and a polite, Turkish, "Hello." This is how it goes from there.

GoldTooth: Hello.
(pause)
GoldTooth: English?!?
Me: No, we're American.
GoldTooth: This is Turkey.
Me: Excuse me?
GoldTooth: Turkish. Turkish. This is Turkey.
Me: Yes, I know. We know Turkish, but English is easier for us.
GoldTooth: Ah, you know Turkish. (Turns to husband) They know Turkish.
Husband: They know Turkish?
GoldTooth: They are speaking English, but they know Turkish.

It's sad that no matter how long I am here, how many people I know, how much of the language I can speak, what kind of service I am giving to the community, that some people will still not want me here based solely on the fact that I'm a foreigner.

Pile all of that on top of the usual stress and frustration from living in a strange place, with strange people, who speak a strange language, living with two roommates who are very different from myself, trying to carry on a relationship with a girl half way across the world (who's got a world of worries of her own at the moment), and sprinkle in a little Turkish pollen to get my nose running and you have the perfect recipe for a frustrating couple weeks.

Lane gave me a pep talk last night, reminding me to look at the positives in my life instead of the negatives. It's true, you can never overstate the power of positive thinking. The positives in my life far, far outweigh the negatives. Thanking God for what he's given us and for his faithfulness to us changes the outlook of any day. I need to do that more often. Maybe then I can understand that these things are nothing more than slight, momentary afflictions. And easy ones at that.