Speedos, the 4th, Transformers

Yes, I bought a Speedo. It's culturally acceptable here. I am a young man, in his early twenties, and in relatively good shape. I'm exactly the kind of guy that should be wearing a Speedo. I figured it would be better than wearing the American Eagle "gym" shorts that were given to me almost five years go. I don't have any pictures of me at the beach wearing my Speedo, so let this tag be proof enough.



I bought the Speedo because we were going to the beach for the 4th. I'm not a huge beach fan, especially here. I don't like the sand, the way people are instantly nastier at the beach, and the way salt water stings your eyes, gets in your mouth, and makes you feel gross inside and out. These things are all amplified here since: the sand isn't clean and stays at a constant 1000 degrees farenheit, despite being hairy myself, Turks can take hairiness to a whole new level, and the fact that the Med is ten times saltier than the Atlantic ever dreamed of being. Factor in the fact that we're on a Southern facing shore and you have taken away the best thing about the beach, the waves. There are no waves here, hence robbing me of my only joy at the beach. Plus, I was still peeling for the last time I went to the beach with my expensive bottle of Turkish sun "screen." I still say it is sun attractant, since the only place I wasn't burned was the only place I didn't apply it.




But anyway, I enjoyed the fourth. There were 30 of us foreigners there, if you count the children. We had a huge feast thanks to all the families. We snagged some tables from a local hotel and some umbrellas and before you know it, we had a real party going on. Mix in some awesome frisbee action, American pride songs, Nivea's SPF 40 Children's Formula sun screen, three paddle boats, and one sea turtle, and you have yourself a 4th to remember.

Then on Friday night, the moment we had all been waiting for arrived. It's their war, but it's our world.



The Transformers finally made it to Turkey! A little background for you real quick. I LOVED the Transformers growing up. Though everybody else talks about He-Man or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or whoever, my love was the Transformers. I loved the cartoons, I loved the toys, I loved the story. When I was a freshman in college, I downloaded the 1986 Transformers animated movie to my computer to watch it whenever I wanted. I loved, and still love, those things. BUT, I realize that not everyone shares my affection for those robots in disguise. In fact, I've come to realize that most of my "friends" here seem to look down on me for having a vivid imagination and wanting to relive happy childhood memories in my young adult years. So with that, here's my honest thoughts on the movie.



It was horrible. The acting was bad, the plot was as simple as any movie could ever have. The special effects weren't all that great. They changed too much. There were too many humans. The robots didn't have enough personality. I could go on and on. The biggest thing is that the changes they made in the characters were not necessarily for the positive. With the exception of Optimus, almost all of the characters, when transformed into Robots, looked horrible. In fact, I thought it was weird how they rarely showed the Decepticons in anything but fight scenes, where the action was too quick to really get a good look at them. Secondly, the draw of the movie is the fact that it's about the Transformers, not the humans. There were too many human story lines in the movie. Focus on the robots. That's what people are coming to see. If they wanted to see preteen love stories they would've gone to watch the next Olsen twins movie. Also, stick with the story line of the original series. You don't have to reinvent the story, it was good already. And the fact that you avoided what was probably the second biggest conflict of the whole series is disappointing. Besides the Optimus vs. Megatron feud, the next biggest conflict of the cartoon series was the relationship between Megatron and Starscream. Starscream's character was changed way too much, was barely mentioned in the film, and their story line was avoided entirely with the exception of a one liner from Megatron. Unacceptable. You're making a movie about a series that's twenty years old! You shouldn't change that much. If the story wasn't good, people would've quit watching and caring long ago. Stick with what you've been given. And I guess that's what bothers me the most. This movie was set up to be a huge success. There are TONS of fans like myself. Young adults that remember watching the cartoon as children and are nostalgic about the days of transforming cars into robots that defending the earth from the evil Decepticons. Everyone has that theme song memorized. Everyone knows what Optimus looks like. Everyone can still hear that high pitched squeal that was Starscream. We still try to imitate Shockwave's voice. Why was all this changed? Stick with the program and it would've been a cult classic.

But they didn't. The only thing that saved it for me was knowing that they weren't going to stick with the program months in advance. Thanks to Mark's ability to track anything down online (it's good to know an Asian), I have had some behind the scenes peaks at the characters and plot line. I knew it was going to be a disappointment. I beat my expectations into a pulp. Thanks to that, I was able to enjoy the good points of the movie. First of all, there were three things that were thrown in for the old fans. First of all, when you first meet Bumblebee, at a used car lot, you realize that they have changed him. In the cartoon, he's a yellow Beetle, but in the movie he's a Camaro. But he does pull up next to an old Beetle and slam it with his door. Nice touch. Then the human character uses a line with a girl where he says that she's "more than meets the eye." A clear allusion to the old theme song. And finally, the biggest treat for us old fans, was hearing Optimus Prime's voice. They got the same guy to do his voice for this movie as they had for the 1986 animated movie.



So as a final grade, I give it a C. If you weren't a fan of Transformers before, you won't like it. If you were a fan, you will be annoyed by how much they've changed. If you're past puberty, you'll find the subplots boring at best, stupid and aggrevating at worst. Maybe they'll do another one in a few years, stick closer to the original story line, do better with character looks and personality, keep the humans out of it, and really make a movie that the true fans can be proud of.