New Approach to Running

I've changed gears in my running to help me make it through the Kashmir Syndrome. I've been listening to Piper sermons while I run. I've got a CD of biographical sermons he has done that is really inspiring and challenging. Last week I used his sermon on the life of John Calvin to get me through a cold and windy 30 minute run. This week, I've started one on Jonathan Edwards. It got me through a solid run today and inspired and encouraged me today.

I had a nice conversation with the Canadian last night about our church, it's direction, and my personal direction in life. He was unaware that I had been to college. He thought I was the ultimate lay person. In a way, it was very encouraging. He admitted that he was encouraged that I came because it's rare to see a "practical" person on the field. In his opinion, too many intellectuals come overseas. People with PhDs, MDivs, and all the other titles that make us feel important have a little bit harder time fitting in with your average Joe (or average Mehmet, in this case). I agree. But the body of Christ needs theologians just as much as they need preachers and evangelists. Which got me thinking, "Where do I fit in this body?"

I'm not a theologian. Yes, I have read the books. I've put down Piper, Grudem, Sproul, and I'm working through Edwards, Owens, and Luther now. But I'm no theologian. I'm not a preacher. Yes, I've given talks. I can put together a challenging message that's interesting enough to keep your attention. But I'm no preacher. I'm not a pastor. I have friends that come to me for advice. But I can't deal with the problems that arise in leading a group of people. I haven't been giving that leadership gift nor the wisdom and compassion to direct and help people in need. I'm no pastor.

But I'm not supposed to be. Piper says at the beginning of this sermon on Edwards that no one else in that room is Jonathan Edwards. He was in a class of his own. The greatest thinker ever born on American soil is not who you should compare yourself to. In fact, it's not biblical. 1 Cor. 15:10, "But by the grace of God I am what I am..." So what am I?

Sometimes I feel like that flabby part under your arm. I'm there. Most people would rather get rid of me, or at least minimize me. I serve no purpose. I'm unattractive. I'm embarassing.

And sometimes I feel like the elbow. I work. I do my job without much glory or praise. I'm not the prettiest thing to look at, but everyone is glad to have me. I can pack a punch and hit hard when I need to. I'm useful. I'm needed.

In reality, I'm probably both of these at times. And, at other times, something entirely different. I feel like I am learning and growing every day. There are so many things I have seen and done in the last two years that have made me rethink so much of what I believe. Some things have been cemented in my mind as true, never to be shaken again. Some things that I thought were cemented have been uprooted forcefully. I don't know what I am yet. I know some things that I'm not. I know some things that I want to be.

I want to be the best C-Love I can be. The best English teacher. The best Turkish student. The best friend. The best teammate. The best jogger. The best theologian. The best evangelist. The best boyfriend. The best son and brother. The best roommate. The best guitar player.

The best me. The me God wants me to be.