Great Expectations

So I had interesting evening tonight. First of all, the new CCC people are in town. Two single guys, two single girls. They swear it wasn't set up that way, but I know how these Christian organizations work. J-MAN+J-WOMAN=Career COUPLE, with a little work. But I digress. We had a pleasant time together I think. I say I think because I had a great time, but, as usual, the verdict is still out on what everybody else thinks. First of all, I did a lot of talking. I was aware of it at the time, but they just kept asking me questions and didn't allow me to find out anything about themselves. This type of situation is never good for me. When people ask me questions, I give them my best answers. That doesn't go over so well with everyone on every question. Generally, the more I talk, the more likely someone is to NOT like me. Key example: All four of the CCC people are from the midwest. I said that the beef didn't taste like the corn feed stuff we get in America. So I asked if they thought the lamb was pretty good. Honest question. But one of the girls got a little red in the face, giggled a little, and the other one patted her on the back and said, "Sue here is a vegetarian." Of course, as only C-Love would say, the first thing out of my mouth was, "You're kidding me right?" Her answer was, "No, I ate chicken the other day and it was a very traumatic experience." Good grief, where do you get these people? I gently reminded her of the passage in Acts where Peter is really hungry and goes up on the roof to pray. He gets a vision from God showing him all the animals, both clean and unclean, and God issues a command to Peter, "Arise, kill and eat." Amen I say, Amen! She didn't agree and the conversation went on to deeper things, meaning I was digging myself deeper into a hole.

I went with the guys back to their apartment to chill for a little while and to just get to know them a little bit. After some shallow conversation one of the guys (who was quite excited at the time) asked me what my expectations were for my time here. "Expectations?" I asked. "Yeah, what do you expect to see God do while you are here?" I don't like this question. I am starting to hate to hear it. It is a question that I think has no right answer, and no matter which way you miss it, you are setting yourself up for hard times. If you say that you expect God to do amazing things, saving dozens, and starting a church planting movement, you are setting yourself up for disappointment if God does not come through for you. If you say you expect to see God save a few, maybe three or four, during your time, yes you are being more "reasonable," but even then your expectations may not be met. This is a hard place, and has been for a long time. Having "realistic" expectations and then still not having them met, may be worse than having high expectations. And lastly, if you say you don't expect anything from God, I ask, where is your faith. I expect something out of God, you must, or you rob God of his power. But what then should I expect? Should I expect a cold, hard, dark place to start bursting with life and light? Do I think I am any smarter, or wiser, or any more filled with the Spirit than the men and women who have gone before me, seeing no fruit? Or should I expect nothing and just be thankful when something happens? Then is my God "able to do immeasurably more than I could ever hope or imagine?"

I have prayed for big things, and I have prayed for small things. I have hoped for big things and I have hoped for small things. I have expected big things and I have expected small things. In all these cases, some of these were aligned with God's will, and some were not. Some came to fruition, some still have not, and some may never. I have found in my short time as a believer that a lot of times, my desires don't align with God's still, and sometimes the expectations I put on God are not Biblical and therefore, not healthy. I still can't tell you what "Biblical expectations" are, and I don't know if I ever will be able to. We worship a God that is able to do anything, yet in his sovereign good pleasure does not do everything. How to balance the belief that God can work miracles with the Biblical truth that sometimes God holds his hand back is difficult at best. I feel myself falling towards a lack of faith sometimes and at other times I find myself throwing caution to the wind knowing that my God can pick up the pieces later.

This is a hard place and has been for some time. There are places in the world where the Gospel is spreading like wildfire. This is not one of them. I knew that coming here. I also know that Nineveh was a hard place and Jonah was a hard man and that God did great things with the two of them. So I don't know what will happen while I am here. I may spend these years here plowing ground and planting seeds that may not grow for generations. I may labor with my brothers here to just keep what growth there is alive. I will thank God for that opportunity. Or I may spend these next few years gathering the harvest that so many faithful brothers and sisters planted and watered long ago. God may grow it up and allow me to be part of something truly amazing. I will thank God for that opportunity. I could spend these next few years a million different ways and I have no idea what it will be like. I will just live it. And until my desires and my will and my expectations are more in line with God's, I'd rather not start telling the eternal God what I, a mere man, expect out of him.